What is in a Smile.....

Our girl has definitely settled in at home. Yesterday she was a little quiet yet not complaining too much. We were able to figure out good sleeping arrangements with some improvising. We have seemed to improvise a lot lately, but hey, whatever works.

 The point was to have the nest tucked behind her so she was wedged on her side, during the night she got her way and had some time on her back which she loves. Because of the layers of blankets, that thankfully protected her head. I used a white blanket so I could see if there was any seepage from the bandage, all was clean so that was a big plus! Sleeping arrangement improvising = success!

So much is told from Danielle by the continuous smile on her face. If we don't see it then that is our que that something is wrong. Her smile literally tells us a story, there is so much behind her smile.
Yesterday I had to change one of her bandages for the first time. The bottom one had become quite loose and I was really nervous about it not staying covered. The PICU sent us home with a nice kit of alcohol prep pads and bandages for this reason. So I set off to change the bottom bandage. I made sure to do this before her bath because I did not want any moisture at all to get under there. She is not allowed to get her hair or bandage wet for over a week, so sister's got a sweet little do going on right now!

Supplies = check! 

Poor little girl, incision #1.

 All done!

 The changing of the bandage went good. As you can see the incision is pretty large and is sort of 'c' shaped, and that is only 1 of the 2 incisions. The top incision you see has bled a little bit but until the bandage loosened up more I could not change it.
This afternoon it was pretty loose, and just attached at 3 corners lightly so i was able to change it as well. Changing the top one, she cried. It made me feel horrible. It was stuck to her hair a little bit which pulled more than I anticipated. But it was good to clean it, there was a lot of dried blood underneath that needed to be cleaned.

Incision #2.

So now she has 2 fresh bandages on and I know both incisions have been cleaned. I really hope that the bandages stay and don't need to be replaced for several more days, but it was good to see both incisions to have a baseline and I know what to watch for as far if any concerning changes come up, and should I see anything different. I don't want to put our poor lil peanut thru that hair pulling again so hopefully all will be good for awhile.
Today was spent just me and her. We are in the process of getting nursing set back up and so today we had no agenda. We snuggled and talked. It was so great to hear her voice today, she was mocking me which was adorable and even giggling at herself. It was so great to see her smile, there was a very happy girl behind that smile.

 We have improvised yet again breaking out the infant bouncy seat. She barely fits and only one side of the buckle fastens her in. But it allows her to be in a somewhat upright position which she needs and provides nice cushion behind her head should she turn her head from the side. We use the nest to prop up toys up there for her to play. I also am using this for spoon feeding as well.

 Around Noon she was a little fussy. Probably the most fussy we had seen since we've been home. She hadn't had any Tylenol since Saturday night so I felt it was time to give a dose. We hadn't given her any because she hadn't acted like she really needed it. Because we need to really watch for infection it is important to not give the Tylenol unless really needed.  Her belly was full and she was being held and still fussy, so I knew she was a little uncomfortable. A dose of Tylenol and a 2 hour nap did wonders. The smiles returned, just what this Mommy needed to see!

What is behind a smile...... so so much. There is a story that this beautiful little girl has to tell. We are working on helping her get it out, she has quite the story and so much to say. We are so blessed to have her with us today.~

Home......is where the heart is.

The night after surgery was rough, to say the least. After we updated our last post we went up to find our girl awake and restless. The nurses were also in the middle of relocating her to a different room in the PICU. The new room was more for nurse placement, nothing really regarding Danielle.

And she was fussy, and I mean fussy. You obviously know our girl as smiley, silly, giggly.... this girl was not around. She had several doses of extra strength Tylenol and they were not cutting it. She was also starving so I fed her for the first time after we got the ok for a bottle and it was thankfully a success.
We spent the rest of the night trying to make Danielle comfortable. Held, back in crib, pass her to Daddy, then Mommy, then back in crib...it was a process. It was also incredibly sad seeing her in so much pain. Anytime she moved her head she cried. As we expected, even if the surgery would have been completed, the incisions are in the same place, at the base of her head and there is one up top. These make it difficult for feeding because of how we are use to feeding her. We now have a new technique and she is thankfully taking to it ok.

Just before midnight we noticed she had rubbed the bottom bandage off. There was a little blood, so that called for the Neurosurgery team to be paged. Unfortunately this has been a bit of a challenge and it has happened a few more times. I was able to see the incisions, they are somewhat 'c' shaped and look ouchy. Her heart rate was rising, this mommy was sobbing, seeing her so uncomfortable was tearing on my heart. We made the decision to give her some morphine to make her more comfortable and hopefully allow for some sleep....for all of us. She was out in just a few minutes, although it only lasted for 4 hours. We of course stayed right in her room, not wanting to leave her side. 4am rise and shine our girl was up, hungry and ready for some Tylenol. It seemed the sleep helped her comfort level a little bit, she was still fussy but not acting quite as agitated. Shortly after 530am the Neurosurgery team came in and checked her out. They notified us she would be getting a head x-ray and her actual Neurosurgeon would be up later in the morning.

Feedings continued to go well and once we were able to place her on her tummy and get the pressure off of the side of her head she seemed way more comfortable.
Late morning our doctor came in, checked her out and said if we are comfortable we could go home. We were both shocked to hear this but we all agreed that she had been very stable over night and because he didn't do the actual procedure, she came off the anesthesia ok, there was really no reason to stay....or as he said spend more money. I do love his honesty. So he also talked of our plan of action going forward.

Did someone say home?! We saw our first big smile when this was mentioned!

We will go back a week from Wednesday to have her stitches removed. 2 weeks after that we will go in and have this special MRV scan. This is a special scan done by his Neurosurgery team and special Neurosurgery Anesthesiologists. He then notified us that the more evasive, major surgery will take place after that scan on April 16th. So until then we rest, snuggle and love on her and pray for remarkable healing.

We arrived home yesterday afternoon and got settled. Danielle was due for Tylenol when we arrived home yet being home seemed to calm her immediately. This was the exact reason he felt comfortable sending us home. Her and Daddy took a 3 hour nap together and Mommy headed into work.
Sitting at my desk I received a knock on the door. It was our doctor, our Neurosurgeon, he also is a customer of ours and he did mention he would be coming in yesterday afternoon. The sales associate said he walked in the door with his wife and immediately said he needed to talk to Holub. He came in and asked of Danielle right away and how quick they were able to get us out of there. I shared with him how nervous I continue to be of the 2 incisions in the back of her head, after all the two incisions both go all the way down to her skull. He looked at me and with ease he says, 'she'll be fine (insert accent) she has 3 layers of stitches under there, she won't hurt it. 3 layers' he said. I looked at him and said 3?.... and he spoke over me and said, 'yes, 3 layers of stitches under those top stitches so 4 layers total. Do not worry.' WOW, I had no idea, and silly us not realizing that since this was intended to be brain surgery he had to go that far down to see what he saw. Remarkable. So that put some ease in my mind for now, knowing there is a lot of 'protection' although I am still a little nervous. he also said he had put a blocker in before he closed her up in 2 area's, that pain blocker probably lasted for about 6 hours after surgery, that explains why her pain intensity increased that first night and why morphine was needed. He couldn't send us home with anything stronger than Tylenol because they cannot have her sedated at all right now and most of the stronger pain meds have sedative in them.

Two incisions, deep, thru to her skull. 

 You can see the spots of blood that ooze thru her bandage when she is on the back of her head, ex. during changing. Tummy time right now is crucial.

Last night brought more sleep than the previous, and we were more comfortable at home, yet getting use to things and being ultra careful. She has really been grinding her teeth a lot and I think its from her nerves and masking the pain. She has only had 1 dose of Tylenol since shes been home and today I may give her another to take the edge off. She is eating good and we have seen smiles. When she is held she melts right in and does not move. I know what is on Mommy's agenda for the next few days, snuggles galore.
We have to set up nursing care again and once that is all in place this week I will be able to venture back to work. Dylan is coming home from Des Moines today and our family here will be helping with him as Danielle is not able to leave the house. Keeping her safe from germs and infection is our TOP priority right now. Washing hands before we even reposition her is a must. Nothing that we aren't familiar with, brings back memories from our NICU days that is for sure.

Yes, they always give you after surgery, her bag of hair :-( Those little curls will grow back in time.

 So for now we hopefully remain status quo. Keeping her safe, protecting her more than ever and remaining thankful for the blessings in our life recently....the care of the best doctors in the world, doctors that put themselves in the parents shoes and look at their patients for who they are. Feeling incredibly blessed right now and taking things one day at a time. We have today to snuggle our children and we are sooo thankful.~

Stop.....

We awoke this morning to the happiest little girl. Extra smiles graced her face this morning and Brad and I felt at peace with the day.

 Shortly before 6 AM we took the elevator up 2 floors and arrived at Surgery check-in. Now on our way to Surgery check-in we passed the hospital gift shop and something caught my eye in the window.....little did I know it was God placing that sign for me to see, for it would have great meaning to our day.....

 

 

We entered the Surgical unit with our girl, did the requirements of getting her changed etc and nerves were setting in, yet not getting the best of us...yet. Anesthesia came in and we gave consent, at that time they asked if one of us parents would like to accompany her back to the Main Operating Room. Brad quickly piped up and said he would. I was relieved because that is not something I was comfortable with, yet this amazing Daddy didn't think twice about it. Neurosurgery came in and marked the surgical location and she was set.

 Brad got in his garb and went back with our sweet girl. I gave her extra kisses and tears were flowing.

Brad came back and we went up one floor to our designated spot in the Surgical Waiting Room. Since it was going to be 4-5 hours they suggested we go get some breakfast, stretch our legs and then come back. We did just that. Trying to calm nerves yet at peace with the care our daughter was in.
We arrived back to our waiting area, got situated and at about 850 the clerk came in and notified us that they were just starting. We were a little perplexed wondering, was the surgery then 4-5 hours from this point, or was that included? And why the delay in starting? Yet, we knew the roads were bad, maybe they were waiting on someone, they did have to shave her, intubate her with the ventilator etc and it would take time to get her stable. So we waited.....

Then at about 940 the clerk came in again and notified us that the new update was that they were closing Danielle up and her Neurosurgeon would be up in 30-45 minutes to speak to us. This was pretty crazy and I was questioning a bit in my mind because this time frame didn't really match up.
Sure enough our Neurosurgeon came up and called Brad and I into the conference room.
We went in and his first words were, 'your baby girl is fine.....Dr....(insert his name) is not...' And so we sat down. He began drawing pictures on the board. As he was drawing he looked over and said, 'we did not do the procedure, but she is ok.' Brad and I looked at each other with a tremendous amount of fear in each others eyes and I began to shake.
He then began to unfold the events of the operating room:
Because of the psychics of Danielle we could not do the surgery. I made the first incision at the base of her skull near the 4th ventricle where he was going to place the shunt. There is to be a flap over the brain protecting it, that is what he removes to go into the brain to place the shunt. That flap on Danielle did not exist.....there was blood, blood vessels everywhere. He stopped.
He thought ok, maybe this is not the correct placement, this is not normal, so he moved over to another location. He said he always goes by the theory 'where you can fit a needle you do not put a knife.' So he did not cut. Rather he placed a special type of glass syringe in Danielle's brain to see that he would pull back fluid from the 4th ventricle, he did not pull back fluid he pulled back blood. At this point he explained to us that if he did not have the expertise that he does, and had he cut her as planned, she would have died....she would have bled to death on that table. This is not normal, our doctor, the BEST in the world has only seen 2 other cases like this and none in the past 20 years. If we would have had not the BEST Neurosurgeon today, we would have lost our girl........
At this point words cannot describe the feeling Brad and I felt and are still feeling now. Today he stopped, he saved our daughters life. The sign I saw this morning placed in front of the BIG stop sign on the way to our surgical floor said it all, 'STOP, Good Things Happen Over Time.' The past two days I have been getting signs from everywhere. So you ask, what is next?
We go back in 10 days to have her stitches removed, she has 2 incisions in the back of her head that need to heal. She is the same girl that went into surgery but she is in the Intensive Care Unit right now to make sure nothing comes up after what she went thru today.

In 10 days we begin again, we must find out what has gone on with our girl and why these blood vessels have not gone away. You see, when a baby is in utero and even after birth, the base of their brain is covered by blood vessels. These blood vessels go away after the baby is 6 months old. Danielle is now 4 1/2 years old and hers have not gone away. This is not normal. Again our world renown Neurosurgeon has not seen this in 20 years and Danielle is only his 3rd patient ever where he has seen this. A shunt cannot be placed in the base of her brain to drain the 4th ventricle because he cannot get to the 4th ventricle because of the blood.
So he will do another type of MRI scan called a MRV. This MRV scan will tell where the blood vessels are in her head, and also if there is any type of blockage in there as well causing this pool of blood and fluid in the 4th ventricle. This is NOT something that should have been done prior to this surgery. There is absolutely NO reason Danielle should have these blood vessels in the back of her head, again they should have been gone when she was 6 months old.
Depending on what the MRV scan shows our only other option is more evasive surgery, which we briefly spoke of before. It is an endoscopy which is a scope that he would put between the 3rd and 4th ventricle of the brain to try and drain the fluid. This is a one time poke that hopefully will drain the fluid and hopefully the 'scab' will not 'scab' back over and cause fluid buildup again.
So you may ask, why don't we stop now? Surgery has now been haulted 2 times, isn't that a sign? No, its not. That fluid cannot stay there. It is not good for our daughter. We want the absolute best for her in her life and fluid buildup in the brain puts pressure and will cause her to platoe in her development. This next surgery is more evasive, it is more serious, it will be longer, it will test us, yet we will do the very best for our daughter under the care of the BEST Neurosurgeon in the world. After all, he saved our daughters life today.

Our hearts are heavy, our minds are racing, we are stressed, tired, emotional, scared and trying not to be weak. Today was a blessing, just as I was told this morning by a sign from the good lord above, 'STOP, Good Things Happen Over Time.'
Danielle will be in Intensive care for a couple of day. This afternoon she is in a lot of pain and every time she moves her head she cries and cries. We have finally been able to step away from her room after she fell asleep. We are resting in our Rossi room for a few minutes, updating, grabbing supper and heading back up to snuggle our girl. Life is precious, it is not to be taken for granted, we are ever so thankful that we have the BEST doctors in our daughters life. Before he left us today he said, 'I put myself in your place in the operating room today and she is here.' You have no idea what that means to us, it means the world.
We will update again tomorrow, thank you for your love and most of all your prayers. They worked today. It was not her time to go and we are ever SO thankful for the lord above protecting our family right now. There is no doubt the angels were with us today and guiding her surgeon in the OR today, when he saved our daughters life. God Bless.~

The Time Is Near......

12 hours from now our most precious daughter will be in God's hands, as the angels do their work in the main OR at one of the top hospitals in the nation. The time is near......

Her father and I, along with the best Neurosurgeon in the world, made the decision to take a risk, a risk for a brighter future for our daughter. The time is near......
We put her life on hold for a short period of time while we envision in our minds a little vibrant girl running to us some day jumping in our arms, reading a sentence, telling us what she likes with her own words not a communication device. The time is near......
We sent our middle son off to the care of our family's so we can focus on our daughter right now, her needs; the future depends on now. The time is near......
Our plans were halted a month ago nearly causing Brad and I a breakdown. Yet over the past 3 weeks we have realized more, planned more, discovered more, prepared more for the time....that is near.

This morning we packed the car and headed south. On the way it was still up in the air where we would stay tonight, with the anticipated snow storm brewing we put our names on the waiting list for a couple of places the hospital offers and reserved a hotel room also for backup. I get to the half way point of my drive this morning and a song came on the radio. You see, each of our children we have 'dubbed' a song for since the day they were born. The song for our girl mind you is now 4 1/2 years old and is seldom played on the radio anymore.

Yet during our commute it came over my speakers. My mouth dropped and I could not stop the tears. 'I Saw God Today.'

Danielle's Song.....



It is crazy how the words in a song can trigger so many memories, this song does it for us. So as I sang along and stopped to talk to my girl in the back seat, I sobbed, and just at that moment felt incredibly blessed. Blessed for our life right now, with her in it. Towards the end of the song my phone rang, I looked at the number, which I didn't recognize but I answered it. It was the Helen Rossi House telling me that they had an open room for us tonight. I definitely saw God today. What a blessing.

The rest of the day was spent at pre-op appointments. Shunt series which is a series of x-rays which will help the doctor decide shunt placement. Plus he needs to see that her current shunt is working properly.

  Danielle and Mommy after her 1st Shunt surgery, in 2008.

She was 2 months old and weighed 5 pounds.



 Danielle's current shunt on the right side. This will stay, she will have a second, similar shunt placed on the left side towards the back of her head. As you can see the shunt is placed in her brain. The tubing drains the cerebral spinal fluid into her abdomen since her body is not draining it on its own, that is what the shunt is for. *This x-ray picture was taken after it was placed in 2008*

We also visited the lab and she was poked. We visited Neurosurgery for final consent and I heard all of the super scary things surgery can bring. I am very thankful my Aunt Ellie who works at the hospital was able to sit along side us at that appointment and be my strength. And we saw Anesthesia so they could get a good look at Danielle and see how healthy and great she is doing right now.

I checked into the Rossi house and unloaded items from my car, packed them on the stroller, you could barely see Danielle in there, poor kid. And we got settled. We grabbed some reading materials for tomorrow, which Brad has already said he desperately needs so he isn't sweating and shaking for 4-5 hours. Daddy arrived tonight and we are snuggling our girl. We have done what has been asked of us for surgery preperation, for the time is near.....

 What a gift for us to be here, together. All we have to do in the morning is wake up, put our little peanut in the stroller and go up 2 floors. What a blessing.

Surgery time is 715am and will take 4-5 hours. She will be in Intensive care for an undetermined amount of time. Again she has the best Neurosurgeon in the world, and we trust his care plan. He is absolutely the most particular doctor, I have been told, for after surgery. His ARNP said today Danielle is a somewhat complicated case and he will near on the side of caution for every decision he makes tomorrow and after with her. He has already done that with us over the past 4 years. We are blessed.

Friends and family thank you for your tremendous support, prayers, positive thoughts and energy sent our way. They are nothing short of greatly appreciated. As we move toward tomorrow our hearts and minds race, our tummy's swirl and act upset, the time friends, is near....~ God Bless.

Communication.....

One of the biggest things that we work with Danielle on, on a daily basis is Communication. As a growing 4 year old little girl it has got to be very frustrating for her to not be able to yell words out when she wants, or to even whisper a word when she wants. She only says a few words and uses other ways to Communicate with us.
It is very difficult for new caregivers, new therapists, teachers, friends etc to pick up on Danielle's communication queues until they have been around her a little bit....then it is very evident what she uses to communicate with. Her body, her voice, her eyes etc. Something that is difficult to identify is when Danielle is uncomfortable, or in pain. It is a little easier to spot certain things the older she gets but it is still challenging especially for new people that are around her and even sometimes Mom and Dad.
Last week Danielle did not sleep, nights were rough. It was a challenge trying to figure out what was wrong. Was she wet, nope....was she teething.....not that I can see, was she hungry......nope, was she just wanting to snuggle.....maybe but after process of elimination we ruled that out. There is no worse feeling than guessing what may be wrong with your child. And much like an infant does not communicate, sadly it is difficult for our girl to share things with us as well.
It was not until Saturday afternoon when we noticed drainage from her ear, that possibly a slight ear infection is what was causing our girl discomfort at night when she was laying down to sleep. Talk about feeling horrible that we did not notice before.
I took this video to share of ways that Danielle communicates with her Daddy and I. In this video it is very obvious that she is acknowledging something is wrong. She communicates very well with Mom and Dad when questions are directly asked. And it breaks my heart to get a response such as this...

Another reason we are praying for positive outcomes from this upcoming surgery. To help our girl communicate. She is frustrated, she has so much to say, yet getting it out takes work....a lot of work. And she does it but it is hard. When you walk in a room and she greets you with a drawn out, 'hiiii' or at night when I hear her over the monitor calling for, 'umauma', she wants her Mommy. But we want to help her even more, we want to help her speak a sentence, we want to hear her story. We are praying for the beginning to start in just a few short days....

Preparations have begun....

We have been mentally preparing for this week for nearly 2 months..... now, it is here. We are praying that all goes smooth and no hiccups get in our way......even this forecast.....

Day Feb 21

25^°FHigh

Snow Shower / Wind   Chance of snow: 40%

Gotta love Mother Nature in February! Although this storm could bring as little as one inch, that one inch in our minds is enough to make us be better safe than sorry. We have made arrangements to be in Iowa City Thursday and to not return home that night. We still do not know her surgery time for Friday, yet we are told it will be early and our hospital arrival time will more than likely need to be 5am. There are 2 wonderful housing units available for patients families thru the University Hospital. We have our name on the 'waiting' list for both. Because many times patients 'schedules' can not be predicted these organizations do not take 'Reservations.' We have our name on both, and they do take the most 'severe' patient families first and guarantee them a room. We will find out on Thursday morning where we will be staying.

We have spent a lot of time this weekend loving up on our children. It will be 10 days without being able to snuggle my Dylan and that will be very difficult. It will also be that long before the kids will be with each other, and they will be missing each other dearly.

 

Lists are made, doctor's ordered immune boosters have been started and our girl has been feisty as ever. We love that about her as that is what brings her thru every situation that comes her way with a smile on her face. Even with lack of sleep she continues to smile, chatter, giggle and fill our days with more love every single day. We have spoke with her that this is a big week coming up, those conversations have now halted as we are getting a big pucker lip from her when we talk of surgery. It breaks my heart. So we will not talk about it again until Thursday.

 Our weekend also has been spent reflecting. We are still absorbing the fact that there are so many people out there that are praying for us, pulling for our little girl, supporting us and having faith that all will be ok. The generosity is absolutely incredible and has left this Mom and Dad speechless. And let me tell you, speechless with Brad and I doesn't ever happen ;-) On behalf of Brad, I and the kids, all I can think to say at this moment with tears in my eyes is, THANK YOU.

 

Thank you for your love, thank you for your support and generosity. We are beyond blessed to have the MOST incredible people in our life along with two of the most beautiful children and the most precious angel. How did we ever get so lucky...

We will continue to update on our week as soon there is update worthy information. God Bless.~

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New Date Confirmed..,

We were notified last Monday of a new date for Danielle's surgery, but it was not confirmed 100% until this past Friday. I had great anticipation all week, fearing that something else would come up. Thankfully it didn't. It was very ironic when we were having lunch on Friday, just my hubby and I, that we got the call when we were together. It was all in God's timing.
Friday, February 22nd is the date of surgery. It was very much a relief to have this date be just a few weeks from now....and not months. We want the best for our lil peanut, yet we are also again, very much ready to move on and put the day of surgery behind us.
It was one of my very best friends who shared with me what this date meant.....
It's three 2's.....222. Anytime three numbers are repeated it is a master number."Have faith. Everything's going to be alright. Don't worry about anything, as this situation is resolving itself beautifully for everyone involved."

I hung onto those very important words all week long as we awaited confirmation. Now, as I have done some more research into the significance of number 22 it has become even more clear why we were rescheduled for this date. Here is a little glimpse into what I have found.

22 is considered the most powerful of all the numbers. Those with a Life Path number 22 have great spiritual understanding, and ability to apply knowledge in a practical way and achieve enormous success.
It can take someone with this number well into their adulthood before they manifest their dreams because they have to go through trials, and learning experiences before they mature enough to incorporate their true calling in their life

It's not easy to go through life thinking of yourself as a teacher. You are one, whether you like it or not. You will influence people just by being around them. You are not teaching behavior or something concrete. Teach peace of mind and contentment in the present. Teach by example... 

It wasn't until now that we fully excepted this and put the understanding at the forefront of our minds. Do the above statments so very clearly identify our daughter 100%?! Wow. It seemed so unbelievably devestating to recieve the call that Thursday morning saying they were rescheduling surgery, yet now there is so much more that has fallen into place. It really was just a minor 'date' setback, we are so much more content now than ever before, the reason now is perfectly clear. It really, truly is all in God's timing. We totally believe that.
We do not have a surgery time yet, nor do we have any more specifics than we had before. But it is ok, the 21st at our pre-op appointments we will find out that information.
Until then, our time is spend cuddling, smiling, laughing and soaking up every single bit of our girl!~

 

Cherish this time....

Something to remember and never forget as the road seems so narrow and the air around you so thick. Parenting is a challenge yet also life's most rewarding gift. There are heartaches, tears, smiles, giggles and none of this you could even imagine before you're a parent in your dreams greatest wish. For each day we need to remember you won't be this small for long, parenthood is not a race nor a sprint .....it is a journey we face, and no parenting way is neither perfect nor wrong.

 

A large part of our weekend has been spent soaking up time together. I've caught myself watching the clock thinking we would and could now be 24 hours post op. It's been hard to imagine how it could all be behind us now, yet it was not in God's timing to have it behind us. We are still anticipating and while we have been able to calm our anticipation a little and enjoy this very moment we are in, when it is quiet and I am reflecting all of those feelings come flooding back in. We are enjoying today, now more than ever. When either Brad or I is holding our girl she literally melts right in, curls up on our chest and shows a big pucker lip when we put her down. This week will be a little difficult as life slowly goes back to how it was before, we are still anxious to get that date on the calendar so we can move forward even more.